A coming of age story about love, loss and the daily struggles of being a wallflower. 

Charlie was an amazing narrator, someone which broke in to our hearts and ripped them apart by his sweetness, innocence and pain. By the end, he had fixed them all and left a goofy grin on our faces.

A conversation in my head after reading this book. 

Me: I am not sure what to feel right now. This book was too overwhelming, yet light.

Mind: You are being quiet contradictory.

Me: No shit, logical. But I have mixed emotions. This book was amazing altogether with touching quotes and a wonderful depiction of the feelings of loss of loved ones. 

Mind: True, you be. I really loved the scene where Charlie read out Micheal's poem (Don't look at me like that, everyone knows it was Micheal's poem) and told them that he didn't know who wrote it. 

Me: That was heart crushing. I think Charlie knew deep down in his heart that it was Micheal. The poem implied that. It was amazing, just by the way.

Mind: Of course the poem was amazing. That's why you stared at it like you found gold. And please keep your theories to yourself.

Me: Scoffs. Poems have more value to me than gold. And I did not stare at my tablet screen like it was gold. AND the theory is quite amazing and makes sense. 

Mind: Yes, you did. Oh and if you had gold you could buy anything you wanted. Including chocolates and books. The theory isn't amazing. It's shit. Just imagine. Your best friend dies.

Me: You may just have a point there, logical. I love chocolates and books. Oh and God forbid, my best friend dies. I can't live a happy life without her.

Mind: Shut up with the lovey dovey stuff. Usually you just fight with her. Idiot.

Me: Okay, okay. Continue.

Mind: So she commits suicide and leaves back a poem. Would you want to read it to all the other people? Would you want to share it and ask other people who wrote it? Just to relive the pain?

Me: Surrenders. Fine. Whatever you say. 

Mind: Smirks. Bows to (non existent) audience. I hope you found our conversation entertaining. Cheers! Happy Reading, fellas!

Quotes that I loved from the book:

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite. Most. Awesome. Line. Ever.

We accept the love we think we deserve. That is some deep shit. And I love it. 

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.

There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.

I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.

I don’t know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

Enjoy it. Because it's happening.

And my favorite of all time: 

And some more pics for your benifit xD :

Over-confidence: Hurting others to prove your own accuracy even if it's wrong.

Trapped in the sanctuary of unfathomable lies,

Away from the affliction, desperation and cries,

Far from reality, in a world of their own, 

Deluded by a glamour, a glamour unknown.

Tied by the beautiful stems of peaceful, pink flowers,

Captured by the wetness of the rainy day showers,

In their own world they live,

And about others? Not a damn, they give.

Never for a moment, stopping to hesitate, 

Their own wrongness, they dare celebrate,

Not knowing the consequences that loom ahead,

Hurt of the others, and their revenges they should dread.

Believing too much in the accuracy of what they do, 

Not aware of the hatred they brew,

And yet people follow them, ahead and back,

Not for their personality, but for the popularity catch. 

We cannot

We cannot please the whole world,

We cannot make everyone happy,

Neither by prose nor by words,

Not even if we are lucky.

We cannot reach the top of the mountain,

We cannot be higher than everyone else,

We are just an ant in the midst of others, 

An insignificant fly, lain forgotten.

We cannot only think of ourselves,

We cannot be selfish, even if we want, 

Cause in this world, other people dwell, 

And we cannot afford their groans and grunts, 

We cannot be who we really are,

We cannot be real,

Cause it is the peer pressure that we fear,

Which forces us afar from our will.

They say everything is possible in this world,

But what they utter, they are only words.

Show us how that is, if you speak the truth.

Climb the mountains and reach the skies, 

Reduce the pain and bring forth smiles.

Make everyone happy and finish their endless cries,

Escape the fears and be who you really are from inside. 

Do you really speak the truth?

Then do all this,

And maybe I will believe you. 

__________

Wow, I didn't know I could write like that xD 

One day

One day. 
One day I am going to wash away all my sins. I will cleanse myself of them and I will feel the unimaginable relief as their razor sharp ends are removed from my skin. 
One day.
One day I will chase away all my fears. I will feel the sweet relish of freedom as they free me from their imprisonment. I will finally release myself from tears that rolled down my cheeks for their sake.
One day. 
One day I will show the world how wrong it was. I will reach to the top of the mountain, triumphant and valiant. I will flick their doubts away in the matter of a second. And then I will wait for their much anticipated applause. 
One day. 
One day I will exempt the world of the tight grip on it that all the wrong people hold. I will slowly lift all the villain's fingers and I will enlighten them with my malevolence. I will show them the true essence of the pain they cajoled gently in me. I will show them what I was told by them. 
One day. 
One very fortunate day.
My pains will go away.
So will the old me.
And in her place will emerge. 
A more sophisticated human being.

Insecure

"Don't trust no one." 
The girl closed her eyes as her mother's words rang in her head. She opened them again, walking at a quick pace, with her school books clutched tightly to her chest. My mother always thinks that, the girl thought. She thinks no one is worthy of trust. It makes me wonder if she trusts me even.


A few days ago, the girl and her best friend had fought because of a certain person who ruined everything for her. Her mother. She had brought the girl up to be so insecure and so questioning about everything that she had left an irremovable mark in her friendship that she valued the most. Maybe the friendship had not broken, but the hurt in the words that her friend used made the girl realize that she thought that she was the one that didn't trust her. Truth to be told, it was her mother that was behind the scenes, urging her away from everyone. She was the one who thought the girl could cope up with the world alone, that she was in need of no friendship. She was the one who made her doubt the trust she had in her best friend. Her mother was the one who made her think that no one was to be trusted, that anything could happen. 


Maybe her mother thought that it could make her stronger, but the girl knew it had an opposite effect on her. It had made her sensitive and a little too observant. It made her think about every little word a person uttered and she would find something in it, that would cut her deep. Even though the person would not mean it, even if the person would not even know what she said. 


Maybe it was because of some tragic incident in life that her mother was so insecure and passed it on to her children. Maybe it was the tragic incident in the girl's life that made her doubt, and not entirely her mother's fault. Maybe it was her own fault. She did not know. All she knew was that she did not like being insecure. Insecurity led to hurt and heartbreak. And she had enough of it in her life. 


No matter how hard she tried she could not ignore the nagging feeling in her chest that there was an ulterior motive behind the words that people said to her. It was like being trapped in the grave, where there was no place for air to enter. She could not escape the cage of insecurity. Anyone could come in and slice her at any moment. Or that's what her insecurity taught her. 

Insecurity was worse than fire. 
It made her loose all her sleep. 

_______________
Yes, a cliffhanger. This was just a small piece of an insecure girl's feelings. As we see, insecurity is not a good thing and even though we have to be cautious about things, going beyond the realm of carefulness is not good at all.
Yours sincerely,
Awesome Idiot <3

Get back up.

You push me down,

I will just get up,

And rub off the dust,

I'll play my luck,

All over again.

You drive me away,

I'll stay that way,
Cause I am not eager to meet you,

And you know what?

I can avoid you like the flu,

I am not the person I was before,

I am not weak anymore,

So maybe you should stop pushin' me around,
Cause this time,
I am not fallin' on the ground.

I know how to fight back now, 
And this time I won't allow,
Won't allow you to push me down,
No, I'll just get up,
And stand my ground. 

Second Choice

The weight of the burden burns the shoulders,

And threatens to break my unshakable composure,

The world presses against the weight,

And pushes me towards my undeniable fate,

People around me crush me,

Under their strong, bulky feet,

And push me away from their pathetic lives,

As if I am someone to mistreat,

I am always the second choice,

The one that doesn't matter,

And when I try to raise my voice,

They leave me alone, 

Alone and shattered,

They discriminate me,

They make me feel inferior,

And when I try to be what they want me to be,

They insult me,

And show me that they are superior,

They have left me with no way to win,

No way to live in another skin,

All I can do is wait,

Wait for the problems to drift away,

And hope that it won't be too late,

Written by me,

Awesome Idiot ^_^